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Availability
In
this issue, I will continue to share with you some basic principles of
parenting that come from McDowell and Day's "How to be a Hero to your
Kids". Last month's principle was affection. This month, you'll learn
about availability. In the next two issues, you will get details on one of the
other ingredients of effective parenting.
Accountability
Authority
In these days of being over committed and overly busy, it’s common to feel
guilty about not spending enough time with the family. It’s a matter of
making it a priority, and getting creative.
You can’t schedule a small child the way you schedule a committee meeting,
or a doctor’s appointment. The attention span of a small child is very, very
short. And when you are willing to be available according to the child’s
agenda, you give the child permission to have that short attention span.
I am blessed to work at home. Building my business means working long hours.
I’m usually up by 6:00 AM. I’m typically working on articles, marketing,
product development, research, or speaking every minute I can. I’m writing
this article at 12:15 AM.
I work long hours but I have an open door policy with my
two-and-a-half-year-old daughter Gabriela. Many times every day Gabriela
knocks on my door and I hear a wonderful, “Daddy, may I come in?”
The answer is always “Of course Sweetheart!” Gabby’s attention span is
only a couple of minutes. She either wants to show me something or wants me to
play “Babies” (to play with her dolls). If I’m on the phone, she
knows she needs to remain quiet and she knows she will get priority time as
soon as I hang up. If I am off the phone, she is on top of my agenda
instantly. Why shouldn’t she? It’s only going to be a few minutes! And
every time she gets those minutes, it is affirming in her mind that she is
more important to me than any project I might be working on. How do you think
THAT makes her feel?
It makes her feel that she has such tremendous worth to me that I’m willing
to interrupt what I’m doing, no matter how important it may be, and spend
some time with her. That’s what acceptance and appreciation are all about.
Acceptance and appreciation tell the child that he or she is of tremendous
worth. And I can only express my acceptance and appreciation through being
affectionate – and available.
When we’re available to our children it says, “You are important.” And
when we are not available it says, “Oh, yes, I love you, but other things
come ahead of you. You are not really that important.”
It takes effort – and time – to make people feel important. It means
inconvenience to make yourself available when you are right in the middle of
something. And, granted, sometimes you simply can’t stop what you’re
doing. But, there are many times when you can stop if you really want to
bother.
It’s popular today to talk about “Quality Time.” Fifty years ago, the
average child had three to four hours a day of interaction with parents or
extended family members. Today it is less than 15 minutes!
To have quality time you must have quantity time. Because you never know when
those magical moments will occur. Out of the quantity comes the quality. And
the quantity time does not just happen. You must plan it like anything else.
Whenever I am home in the evenings, the time between 6:00 PM and 9:00 PM is
strictly family time. No TV. After that I usually get back to work. I work
through most weekends too. However, Cheryl, Gabby and I do something together
a couple of times a week – maybe go to the park, or to the Children’s
Museum, the Library, etc.
To he a hero to your kids – a good role model – you have to spend quantity
time. And out of that quantity will come the quality that will communicate
your acceptance and appreciation of them.
Studies show that the two most formative times in a child’s life are the
first three years and the years between the ages of 10 and 13. It is most
critical to spend quantity time with your children then. If you start making
time for your children when they are very young, you will have many more
opportunities – and requests – to spend time with your children when they
are teen-agers.
The question every parent must ask is this: “Is being a parent a major
priority for me?”
Spending time with your children is absolutely imperative if you want to be a
believable, credible hero who builds your child’s security and sense of
significance.
Take your kids along on errands. Let them see how you handle different
situations that come up. Take your kids on dates. That’s how you get to know
them. That’s how you will learn their likes, dislikes, and their dreams.
How can you really accept or appreciate your child if you are not available?
How can you show your child affection if you are not there?
Remember, if we show an interest in our children now, they will show an
interest in us later.
Ruben
Gonzalez is a three-time Olympian, a peak performance expert and a
motivational speaker. To get his Free e-zine go to www.thelugeman.com
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