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Family
Matters - Acceptance
In
the next few issues, I will share with you some basic principles of parenting
that come from McDowell and Day's "How to be a Hero to your Kids".
Last month you got an overview. This month, you'll learn about acceptance.
Then, in each of the next five issues, you will get details on one of the
other ingredients of effective parenting.
Appreciation
Affection
Availability
Accountability
Authority
Acceptance: Builder of Security and Self-worth
Do you love your kids because of what they do or because of who they are?
Unconditional acceptance is based on who your child is, not on what they do.
Children parented with unconditional acceptance stand a much better chance of
feeling good self-worth. They are much more likely to feel secure in their
relationship with their parents. They usually respond well to loving
authority.
On the other hand, conditional acceptance focuses on what the child does. If
the child obeys, achieves, or performs well, he is accepted. But if his
performance is not up to parental standards, he feels insecure, rejected, with
a lack of self-worth and self-esteem.
Acceptance says, "You're somebody special."
Whenever our two-year-old daughter Gabriela misbehaves, Cheryl and I reprimand
her, correct her, sometimes send her to her room, but we also tell her that we
love her whether she obeys or not. Gabriela is learning that actions have
consequences but she is also knows that we love her no matter what.
All of us are unique. We all have a different blend of gifts and qualities and
each of us is here on Earth for a specific reason. So we reinforce Gabriela's
uniqueness and let her know that we love her for who she is.
Unaccepted children live in fear. They are afraid of being themselves. How can
you function, how can you go after your dream in life if you are afraid of
being yourself. It's being yourself with passion that will help you live a
great life.
That's why acceptance must come first in building your relationship with your
children. The more that you can communicate unconditional acceptance to your
children, the more prone they will be to be open, to share and tell you what's
happening in their lives.
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